It has been a shamefully long time since I've updated this blog. It has been hard to find words that seemed good enough to be a tribute to a woman like Shirl.
However, it has now been a year since she passed, and my mum and I were talking about her the other night. There is just so much to say about Shirl, it seems a crime not to say it.
There are people in the world who expect everything given to them on a plate, who don't care about anybody else, and who don't aspire to be or do anything. I think the most fitting word I can use to describe Shirl- and it may be the biggest compliment you can give a person- is that she was so significant. Not just to me, and not just to to my family, but to everything and everybody around her.
I'm not going to say that Shirl was Mother Theresa, she had her flaws, as any human does. But the good in her was that she possessed some of the best traits you could want in a person. Generous to a fault, high-spirited, hard-working and saw everything with a good sense of humour.
It's these very traits that made her passing so sad. I would never go so far as to say anybody would deserve any kind of cancer. People deserve to go to prison for committing a crime, to lose their job for malpractice, or to have their infidelity discovered. Nobody deserves a terminal illness. However, it just seemed doubly unfair that Shirl, a good person with a beautiful soul, who never smoked or drank, a woman who quite literally found her vocation in life improving other peoples' health and wellbeing, was destined for something as cold and cruel as Mesothelioma- a rare form of cancer- on her lungs.
At work, I was lucky enough to meet Richard Parks before he set out to complete his 737 Challenge in aid of Marie Curie Cancer Care . He commented quite correctly that almost the worst thing about cancer is that it is often blind. There are people who smoke, who know deep down, that carrying on their habit will almost certainly have a detrimental effect on their health, with "The Big C" a constant dark cloud over their heads. There are people who drink to excess, and force irreparable damage onto their livers and brains, not to mention the people around them. Then there are people who absolutely never did anything to warrant such a fate, but somehow end their lives in a cancer care unit.
I said at the beginning that I wouldn't harass people for donations, but now I'm going to. The reason I'm going to is because cancer might be blind, but we are not. I think most of us know someone who has or has had suffered from it, and it's the hardest thing to watch a person go through, all the while just sitting beside them and knowing how unfair it is. The smallest of donations can be part of something enormous, so please do take a couple of minutes to donate.
Thanks,
Charley
Friday, 27 January 2012
Tuesday, 21 June 2011
Shirl: Part I
Shirley Bourge- or as everyone knew her "Shirl"- passed away in January 2011, having been diagnosed with mesothelioma (cancer caused by asbestos) almost a year beforehand. One of her many qualities was her organisation, and before she passed away, she put together a book of her memories and anecdotes. Some would call these her memoirs, but Shirl simply called the book "My Life". It means that as well as my memories of her, I am also able to put some of her own stories, in her own words, up here. She may as well have called the book "My Voice", because it's written exactly as she spoke, and even reading through it now, I can hear her voice in my head, turning the words over in that Cardiff accent that I'll never forget.
I've found a couple of things in the book that give a pretty accurate reflection on the kind of person Shirl was, and made me smile when I read them.
"We lived in a big house that had 4 attics (...), best rooms were always let out to the lodgers and us kids used to sleep 4 to a bed" -Shirl was the youngest of 12 children!
"My eldest sister Lily lived in Canton and we thought it would be a good idea to go and visit her; of course we had to walk there and did not even have the address. The only thing in our mind is that Lily was 'posh' because she gave me a tin of Gibbs toothpaste to clean my teeth; we always used soot from the chimney and salt."
[On teaching a life-saving class at the pool] "They were always telling me off because I would take any one in the class even if it took a year to pass their award. They said it was the last straw when I took a non-swimmer who wanted to become a life saving teacher."
[Receiving an award from the Life Saving Society] "We were all nervous (...) The only thing was the size of my heels walking across the stage, by the time I got to Prince Michael (...) I bowed instead of curtsied."
[A parent enquires about her son learning to swim] "She explained her son was born with no arms. When I explained this would not be a problem, she thought I had lost the plot."
Shirley was a person with a simple background, had no airs or graces, and throughout her life, her view of the world seemed to be that everyone deserved a chance, and deserved to have their aspirations recognised:
-When I was in primary school, Shirl was a supervisor at the Empire Pool in Cardiff, and she knew I loved writing. Consequently I ended up with a ridiculously big box of stationary from her work. It was full of folders, staplers, notebooks, pens, highlighters, glossy flyer paper and a dynamo! To anybody else, this would have been a weird present, but to me, intent on writing a masterpiece one day, it was amazing.
-When I was 16, we had to to a work experience of some kind. I had tried to get into at an advertising company, and another at the South Wales Echo. They both apologetically told me that I was too young to carry out a work experience with them. Disheartened, I was about to do what everyone else I knew was doing, and apply to my old primary school, when Shirl- who now worked at Cardiff County Hall got me a week working at the marketing and events department! During this week I sat in meetings where festivals were arranged, I went to brainstorms coming up with ideas for The Big Weekend, and I got to go out with Lisa (the lady who Shirley had arranged it with) in her convertible, for business lunches in Cardiff Bay!
There was never a favour too laborious, or a task too great for Shirley to take on. As my Grampy Joe said at the funeral, "Shirley was generous with that most precious of things, her time- and it is precious; the richest man alive wouldn't be able to buy another little bit".
I've found a couple of things in the book that give a pretty accurate reflection on the kind of person Shirl was, and made me smile when I read them.
"We lived in a big house that had 4 attics (...), best rooms were always let out to the lodgers and us kids used to sleep 4 to a bed" -Shirl was the youngest of 12 children!
"My eldest sister Lily lived in Canton and we thought it would be a good idea to go and visit her; of course we had to walk there and did not even have the address. The only thing in our mind is that Lily was 'posh' because she gave me a tin of Gibbs toothpaste to clean my teeth; we always used soot from the chimney and salt."
[On teaching a life-saving class at the pool] "They were always telling me off because I would take any one in the class even if it took a year to pass their award. They said it was the last straw when I took a non-swimmer who wanted to become a life saving teacher."
[Receiving an award from the Life Saving Society] "We were all nervous (...) The only thing was the size of my heels walking across the stage, by the time I got to Prince Michael (...) I bowed instead of curtsied."
[A parent enquires about her son learning to swim] "She explained her son was born with no arms. When I explained this would not be a problem, she thought I had lost the plot."
Shirley was a person with a simple background, had no airs or graces, and throughout her life, her view of the world seemed to be that everyone deserved a chance, and deserved to have their aspirations recognised:
-When I was in primary school, Shirl was a supervisor at the Empire Pool in Cardiff, and she knew I loved writing. Consequently I ended up with a ridiculously big box of stationary from her work. It was full of folders, staplers, notebooks, pens, highlighters, glossy flyer paper and a dynamo! To anybody else, this would have been a weird present, but to me, intent on writing a masterpiece one day, it was amazing.
-When I was 16, we had to to a work experience of some kind. I had tried to get into at an advertising company, and another at the South Wales Echo. They both apologetically told me that I was too young to carry out a work experience with them. Disheartened, I was about to do what everyone else I knew was doing, and apply to my old primary school, when Shirl- who now worked at Cardiff County Hall got me a week working at the marketing and events department! During this week I sat in meetings where festivals were arranged, I went to brainstorms coming up with ideas for The Big Weekend, and I got to go out with Lisa (the lady who Shirley had arranged it with) in her convertible, for business lunches in Cardiff Bay!
There was never a favour too laborious, or a task too great for Shirley to take on. As my Grampy Joe said at the funeral, "Shirley was generous with that most precious of things, her time- and it is precious; the richest man alive wouldn't be able to buy another little bit".
Friday, 17 June 2011
An Introduction
I'm not really sure where to start explaining this blog. I considered opening with something along the lines of how the women in our lives shape who we are, often without even realising that they've done so, but
a) this is painfully obvious
b) it's so generic it's almost an insult to our most personal and special relationships
c) it runs the risk of giving the impression that the men in our lives have no part to play.
Although I will be focusing heavily on women's causes (I'm not preaching! Please don't close the webpage!) this is not a female-exclusive blog. I will hopefully be including some men's causes too at some point, but from the standpoint of a girl (because I am one, and indiscriminate or not, that's something I just can't help). However, for the immediate future, it's all about the girls.
Right, so far I have told you that whatever it is I am doing is mostly to do with women. So what is this wonderous project?
Well, painfully obvious or not, the women in MY life definitely shaped who I am. I have been blessed to have grown up under the influence of some incredibly strong female role models, both inside and outside of my family tree. My life has been touched by the actions, endeavours and stories of those women, and consequently, made me ask that question that I imagine a lot of us ask at some point; how on earth will I ever live up to the standard they set? I also think that the fortunate among us often look around and wonder what we can give back to the life that has been so good to us.
Cue brainwave. I have decided to start a project paying tribute to the people who have influenced me personally, and using their stories to raise awareness (and hopefully funds!) for various charities, campaigns and causes. In an ideal world I will be plugging a new charity/campaign/cause every month, and adding a new justgiving link.
Just as a heads-up, the first charity will be Marie Curie and will be in honour of Shirley Bourge, my stepnan, who passed away early this year. Her story is sad in some places, wonderful in others and an appropriate tribute to begin my project. I will be posting her entry up soon, but if you wish to donate beforehand, you can do so here.
Although it would be incredible if people would click on each link as I add them, and donate even just a pound or two- it would be just as incredible if you would follow my blog, and recruit a few friends to follow it as well, and recruit THEIR friends, and spread the word!
I don't know one person who hasn't loved or lost a woman who inspired them, so this blog excludes nobody, and awareness is as important as anything.
I appreciate that anything I put on here could be very personal to me, so please, please, please leave comments with stories/tributes to the women in YOUR lives too. This is a tribute to every mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, teacher, girlfriend, wife and daughter.
One for the girls.
a) this is painfully obvious
b) it's so generic it's almost an insult to our most personal and special relationships
c) it runs the risk of giving the impression that the men in our lives have no part to play.
Although I will be focusing heavily on women's causes (I'm not preaching! Please don't close the webpage!) this is not a female-exclusive blog. I will hopefully be including some men's causes too at some point, but from the standpoint of a girl (because I am one, and indiscriminate or not, that's something I just can't help). However, for the immediate future, it's all about the girls.
Right, so far I have told you that whatever it is I am doing is mostly to do with women. So what is this wonderous project?
Well, painfully obvious or not, the women in MY life definitely shaped who I am. I have been blessed to have grown up under the influence of some incredibly strong female role models, both inside and outside of my family tree. My life has been touched by the actions, endeavours and stories of those women, and consequently, made me ask that question that I imagine a lot of us ask at some point; how on earth will I ever live up to the standard they set? I also think that the fortunate among us often look around and wonder what we can give back to the life that has been so good to us.
Cue brainwave. I have decided to start a project paying tribute to the people who have influenced me personally, and using their stories to raise awareness (and hopefully funds!) for various charities, campaigns and causes. In an ideal world I will be plugging a new charity/campaign/cause every month, and adding a new justgiving link.
Just as a heads-up, the first charity will be Marie Curie and will be in honour of Shirley Bourge, my stepnan, who passed away early this year. Her story is sad in some places, wonderful in others and an appropriate tribute to begin my project. I will be posting her entry up soon, but if you wish to donate beforehand, you can do so here.
Although it would be incredible if people would click on each link as I add them, and donate even just a pound or two- it would be just as incredible if you would follow my blog, and recruit a few friends to follow it as well, and recruit THEIR friends, and spread the word!
I don't know one person who hasn't loved or lost a woman who inspired them, so this blog excludes nobody, and awareness is as important as anything.
I appreciate that anything I put on here could be very personal to me, so please, please, please leave comments with stories/tributes to the women in YOUR lives too. This is a tribute to every mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, teacher, girlfriend, wife and daughter.
One for the girls.
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